Oh, fame is such a fickle mistress! While Ashlee Simpson went on to marry emo fratboy Pete Wentz and become famous for dubiously artistic ventures, her ex Ryan Cabrera, as seen on The Ashlee Simpson Show, is now available for purchase at Sam’s Club.
If you have an extra $24,500 (includes shipping) lying around, click here to purchase an hour-long personal acoustic concert by the mostly forgotten Cabrera – if that sounds expensive, keep in mind he will “sign autographs and take pictures with you and your guests” for another hour, proving the price to be rather generous.
Sam’s Club’s list of specifications will convince you that your money will be well-spent: After all, Cabrera “is more than just a teen heartthrob” and “has won the hearts of millions of fans with his fun-loving personality and his heartfelt lyrics and music.” You will also feel comfort knowing that you are supporting our national economy, as Cabrera’s components are from and assembled in the USA.